“Dogs are our link to paradise. They don’t know evil or jealousy or discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring – it was peace.”
Milan Kundera
Why does my briard…
bark at the clouds?
follow me into the bathroom?
not understand the meaning of ‘NO’?
stop right in front of me when I’m carrying groceries in from the car?
listen to me at home, but not when herding?
sleep with his/her head propped-up on something?
need affection after getting a drink?
assume I need help getting dressed?
always make my day a little bit better!
A faithful dog will play with you,
Laugh with you or cry.
He’ll gladly starve to stay with you
Not even asking why.
When you’re feeling out of sorts,
Somehow he’ll understand.
He’ll watch you with his shining eyes
And try to lick your hand.
His blind, implicit faith in you
Is matched by his great love,
The kind that all of us should know
Is in our Master above.
When everything is said and done,
I guess that isn’t odd,
For when you spell “dog” backwards,
You get the name of God!
Evelyn Miller
BRIARD MIND GAMES THEY ENJOY WITH THEIR OWNERS
1. After your humans give you a bath, DON’T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU!
Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the
sheets. This is especially good if it’s right before your humans
bedtime.
2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put
your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if
you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans
frantically search the house for the damage they think you have
caused. (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely
nothing wrong.)
3. Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly.
Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare
blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what
they’re talking about.
4. Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go ‘pee’,
sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the
spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of
the earth.
5. Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the
busiest, most visible spot to go ‘poo’. Take your time and make
sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your
humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.
6. When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every
time a strange human walks by.
7. Make your own rules. Don’t always bring back the stick when
playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in
a while.
8. Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don’t greet
them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think
something terrible has happened to you. (Don’t reappear until one
of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).
9. When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time.
Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.
10. Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off
and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as
you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back
asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!)
11. When your human comes home real happy because he has got a little extra
in the pay envelope and forgot to bring you a little something, start laying
around and acting real sick, that way they will take you to the vet and you
can get a cookie from the vet and get your share of that extra money.
12: when your humans are having a dinner party, bring down a dirty pair of
underwear and offer it as a gift to one of the guests.
Top Ten Things We Wish We Had Known
10) Mesh body armor in the style of shark divers would have been a wise investment to save us from “love bites.”
9) All bread products, particularly if wrapped in plastic or paper are unsafe at any elevation below six feet off the floor.
8) Those high pitched “play” barks cause hearing loss and ringing in the ears when experienced at close proximity.
7) Briard fur is magnetized to attract any and all tree debris. (I picked 12 redwood tree fronds off the fuzz bucket after one trip outside yesterday.)
6) The sofa is intended for Briard use, particularly after mud has been applied to the paws and belly.
5) Briards go EVERYWHERE with you, including the bathroom, and will knock you over to be sure they accompany you any time you go out the door.
4) Briards don’t mind standing in the rain and will ignore a lovely, dry dog house, particularly if you have brushed them recently.
3) Briards do not SHARE the bed. Even with a king sized mattress, humans wind up sleeping while perched precariously on opposite sides, just about to slide over on to the floor.
2) Briard puppies should NEVER be given peanut butter before chasing a cat later in the evening. (Imagine diarrhea in extended loops throughout the house!)
1) Briards maintain their beards by filling them with all available foreign matter (i.e. dirt, kitty litter, tree junk, wood shavings, grass clippings, compost, etc.), dunking them in the water dish, applying a thick coat of dog food crumbs, an additional splash in the water dish, and then a good, strong shake while standing right in front of their humans
(preferably with the humans sitting down so their faces are at the level to receive optimum spray), and finally, a thorough wiping against any upholstered furniture or human clothing.
Briards are beautiful, ridiculous, stubborn, bundles of hair, love and fun,
and we cannot imagine our lives without them.
DOGGY DICTIONARY
LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.
DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don’t. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor or better yet, on their laps.
SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog s rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop.
GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.
BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person want them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrapper. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home
SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.
BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.
LEAN: A very good response to the command “sit !”, especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.
BUMP: The best way to get your human’s attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn’t get the attention you require…..especially effective when combined with The Sniff. See above.
LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you’re lucky, a human will love you in return.